After the death of my father during my freshman year of high school, I was very disgruntled with what the meaning of life seemed to be, and was confused on what the point of living even was. However, after reading some excerpts of my father’s journal and living for a month in the heart of the Alaskan wilderness my view on life took a complete 180 degree turn. At the end of my junior year I was still struggling with my father’s death and what my goal in life was. My mother, sensing my pain saved money to send me on a trip to Alaska to be a part of NOLS expedition. On this trip I learned how to take care of myself and to appreciate all the things we live with in normal day life. I was beginning to be able to grasp the true beauty of the world. When I got back my mother showed me my dad’s journal. Being able to look at my father’s handwriting after years of not seeing him or hearing his voice was purely magical. In that handwriting he spoke about how proud of me he was and that the only reason he could even manage leaving us was because he could count on me to help raise my little brother and sister. Once those words registered through my brain I felt like I actually had a responsibility worth taking on. I began staying at home more often so that I could get involved with my family and help my siblings with school. Thinking about how much those two kids look up to me makes me want to cry, and that raw and heavy feeling motivated me into becoming a man that is actually worthy of being looked up to. The journal helped me want to be successful and the trip to Alaska was what taught me that I have to earn success. Knowing what I want and knowing that I have to earn what I want are the perfect ingredients for living a life that my mother and father would want for me, and a life in which I can support and be a model for my siblings who are so dear to me.